Is it too much do you think? It certainly feels like it. Although there is five of us and we are going for quite some time. Summer and winter. Tropics and tundra. I have already accepted that us moving anywhere as a unit in transit is going to be a circus, so I’m mentally prepared. And I’ve had some experience. Grocery shopping with the girls when they were little – 3 under five years old – with a wonky-wheeled trolley, a dirty nappy, all hungry and tired, me sleep deprived and asking myself “why is this so hard, I’m just grocery shopping?” I do believe that was good training for moving the 5 of us and all that baggage through Dili Airport to our hostel without bursting into tears.
We will have to remember to stop when we get to the doors opening onto the hubbub and absorb the moment. The smell. The sounds. The touts wanting our business.
Matt and I had a giggle earlier this evening, savouring our last Australian beer on Australian soil for a while. “We’re in it! That thing we’ve been talking about and planning for so long – we’re in the middle of it.” Funny. I thought I would feel different but I feel really normal.
4 hours later…..
Ok. It’s now 3.30am. The taxi arrives in 20 minutes. I have hardly slept and I’m not feeling so normal anymore. I’m shitting myself frankly. My guts are churning and I can’t swallow my tea. When I did sleep I dreamt of worst case scenarios and, once again, I want to run away, or hide under the covers and cry. But right now I am in that place that Matt was talking about. I am so far out of my comfort zone and it feels very uncomfortable and scary. I know that’s part of the point. I’m trying not to let the girls see my turmoil, but I fear they’re like animals – they can smell fear! So onwards Mel. Brush your teeth, do your nervous poo and show them what you’re made of.
Thanks for being there. See you all on the flip side!